What A lovely Day For A Picnic
by wingnutdawn
Summary: One would think Albus would have learned by now, but dispite warnings from other staff members he proceeds to have a staff picnic Muggle style. Will he ever get Severus to be sociable?


**What a lovely Day For A Picnic**

"You want Severus Snape to go outside for this Muggle -style picnic?" asked Minerva McGonagal as she stood up. "Albus, you know that he hates it when you get these spur of the moment ideas, not to mention that he prefers to stay in his dark dank dungeon, reading, now that Voldemort is gone."

"Oh come now Minerva, I think a little fresh air and sunshine will do him a world of good." stated Headmaster Albus Dumbledore as he relaxed in the staff room.

Minerva frowned, "I don't think it is such a good idea Albus; I am sure the rest of the staff would agree with me." She glanced around at the other teachers who, in agreement were looking decidedly worried about Albus's new idea. He had already asked each of them to make something to bring outside to celebrate the arrival of summer break.

"It is bad enough that you got the House Elves upset with you ," Minerva added.

"Nonsense, " Albus argued. "I will even ask him to participate by whipping up some juice and cake. After all, each of us is contributing something to the meal, and I wouldn't want to have Severus feel neglected or left out of the staff activities."

"Are you mad? He would probably spike the juice or make the cake totally uneatable in defiance!" Poppy exclaimed. "Can't you just leave him alone in the dungeon where he is obviously happiest?"

"He will do as I ask, after all he made an unbreakable vow to obey me." stated Albus. "And I want him to become a little more sociable with the rest of the staff."

"Minerva shook her head, saying "It isn't going to work," as she watched Albus leave the teachers' lounge to go down to the dungeons where Severus was happily reading peacefully in his office- without being disturbed by students or other annoying beings.

"Severus, my boy." said Albus as he strolled into the office. Severus lowered his book just a little and snapped, "What do you want with me this time? The war is over and I can't think of any miserable holiday that is nearby for you to torture me with."

"I am inviting you to go outside tomorrow afternoon with the rest of the staff for a Muggle-style picnic. Absolutely no food will be there made by House Elves. Since I asked, everybody else is going to make something, the way Muggles do to contribute to the meal. I would like you to bring the juice and cake for the event," Dumbledore said calmly as he sucked on one of his horrid lemon sherbets.

"You are _'inviting' _me to participate in a staff picnic?" Severus snarled and then said with a sour tone. "Right, and I'm sure everybody else is looking forward to my presence!"

"You have to learn to get along with others my boy, and this is one of the ways to go about it," said Albus sternly.

Severus glared at the Headmaster and mumbled, "Fine, I'll come, but I won't guarantee anything will work out the way you want it to."

"I know you will enjoy yourself at the picnic tomorrow," Albus nodded and smiled as he turned to leave Severus's office. He stopped and looked back. "You can choose what flavour of juice and cake to bring."

Severus laid his book down on his desk and grumbled to himself. "Bad enough I have to go to the infernal thing but bring juice and cake?" He leaned back in his chair and planned out a course of action that would comply with Albus's 'request' but also make a statement as to what he thought of the Headmaster's idea.

His eyes narrowed and he smirked as he came up with a plan."Hmmmm, he did say I could choose the flavour ."

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The next afternoon Albus had on a tall white chefs hat along with a chef's apron that announced '_Everybody loves Hamburgers_' printed across it in bold letters. He was standing beside a large round bowl- like object that had red hot charcoal briquets inside it and a thing he called a grill across the top. It was setting on three metal legs. A small table had covered plates of hamburger patties and containers of barbecue sauce. He was obviously delighted to see the efforts by his staff to make the different dishes associated with a Muggle picnic. Bowls of different kinds of salads including Potato, Macaroni and Caesar, along with plates of fresh -baked rolls. chicken and ham sandwiches were all spread out on the large table that had been set out for the occasion.

The orange juice and chocolate cake that Severus had made were sitting on the side table with the cookies and other sweets that had been made 'specially for the occasion. He was pleased to see everyone was eating and having a good time. He noticed Severus had come to the picnic with Filch; while Filch filled a plate with food and went over where the rest of the staff were sitting and sat down to eat right away, Severus ignored everybody and leaned against a tree, once he had set the juice and cake down on the dessert table.

Waiting for his chance, Severus was slowly and sneakily moving as far away from everybody, as he could manage without drawing attention. He carefully glanced back at the castle , as if debating on making a break for it. Minerva, noticed and went over to talk to him along with Filius Flitwick.

"Sorry Severus but we did try to convince Albus to leave you out of participating in this picnic." said Minerva.

"Don't worry about it Minerva, I'm not intending to stay too long." Severus answered silkily. Minerva gave him an odd look and then observed the orange juice and large, beautiful chocolate cake residing with the other deserts.

"I see you made orange juice. I didn't think you would have had the patience to squeeze oranges by hand."

Severus's eyes glittered as he replied. "I don't. Since Albus told me I could choose the flavour-- I just cracked open a bottle of orange flavoured drink and poured it into the jug. I'm sure he wont notice the difference...much."

"I didn't know you could bake like muggles, Severus," squeaked Filius. "A chocolate cake at that! I had a hard time myself as I kept wanting to use magic to finish my cookies." He stared at a pile of oddly shaped objects that were slightly crisp around their edges. He sheepishly looked back at the scowling Potions Master.

"I am a Half- blood Filius," Severus explained, "My Muggle Grandmother taught me how to bake when I was little. She didn't approve of Magic being used any more than my Father did."

"I guess that is one more accomplishment you have over the rest of us then," Filis admitted, I sure think that fine looking cake will taste better than my cookies."

Severus's frown deepened. "It was what Albus told me to do and I did it. Otherwise I would have let the House Elves do it for me. Magic or no magic, they are very displeased and, as soon as I can I am going back into the castle and put up wards around my office." He looked innocently over at the assembled tables where everybody else was eating and smirked. Filch had a plate filled with hamburgers and salads and was filling his face as fast as he could while his cat, Mrs. Norris was nibbling on a piece of chicken.

Minerva and Filius both looked at Filch and then back at Severus who was edging his way backwards towards the castle.

"I think he spiked the juice." said Minerva to Filius. "I know that cake looks great but I don't think it is safe to eat. I believe that is why Filch is eating so fast, he knows what Snape is up to."

"I think so too. Let's not say anything and watch the fun," squeaked Filius. "I wonder when Albus will realize that he can't ever make Severus Snape become a sociable being."

"I don't think he will ever give up on trying," answered Minerva as she watched Severus turn and then race towards the castle and disappear inside. "Well he made his escape, I wonder when Albus is going to notice that he is gone."

"Let's just play along, after all, besides Filch, Poppy and us two-- who among the staff actually understands how to get along with Severus?" asked Filius. "Besides, Albus, when he isn't trying to draw Severus out of his self imposed exile in the dungeons."

Meanwhile , inside the castle Severus was striding towards the stairway that lead to his sanctuary in the dungeons when he heard a couple of popping sounds and found half a dozen disgruntled House Elves standing around him.

"We provided everyone who was going to use chocolate with slabs of that stuff you got from the Muggle world. "said one elderly elf whose ears twitched as he kept listening for any unusual sounds.

"Thank- you sir, for helping us find a way to show our disapproval." said another. "We are here to serve and we feels lost without being able to do our duties."

"There is no need to thank me. It was my pleasure," growled Severus Snape. "I think you had better tend to the doors before the picnickers get to the desserts."

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Outside the castle Albus was enjoying himself, especially as the day was absolutely perfect. The meal was going along fine with everyone enjoying the beautiful weather.

Madame Pomfrey was nibbling on some jam doughnuts that had been made by Filch who was undeniably expert in the art of making his own meals though why he liked to fry fish all the time in his office was a little strange but then with him being a squib , it must be very stressing to be around those who had their magic.

It was not long before there began signs of discomfort among the group who were shifting uneasily after eating some of the various desserts spread out before them. Poppy looked concerned as almost everyone complained of cramps and were heading up to the castle. She noticed that Minerva, Filius and Filch were all right and she decided to find out what all they had eaten as compared to what everyone else had ingested. She wanted to narrow down the suspects of what she thought was food poisoning.

"We told you --having a Muggle -style picnic was a bad idea." said Minerva."It's lucky the students are already gone home for the summer or it would have been even worse."

"I suspect Severus knew what was going to happen all along," said Poppy as they walked swiftly towards the castle.

"He must have doctored the cake he made, with something," moaned Irma Pince. "It would be just like him to do something to spoil the picnic!"

Albus was sucking hard on one of his lemon sherbets frantically, as he realized that the doors to the castle were spelled shut against them. The situation was getting desperate. "I had eaten some of that delicious cake that Severus had made and I feel all right, so I don't think that had anything to do with the situation-- even though Severus would be the first suspect --since I noticed he had disappeared shortly after the picnic started."

"Oh sure, and I suppose you think one of us is the cause of this awful need to find a bathroom!" grumbled

Madame Hooch.

In desperation Poppy, Albus, Minerva and Filius whipped up some porta- potties on the grounds for those who where in desperate need of bathroom facilities, even though it meant breaking the temporary 'No Magic rule.'

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Severus was starting to doze off when he heard the sound of the floo and realized that though he warded the doors to the dungeon, he hadn't warded the fireplace that connected him to the Headmasters office.

"SEVERUS!" yelled Albus Dumbledore as he stepped out of he fireplace and glared at Severus."I want to speak with you about"...about..."

Severus shifted around in his chair and there stood Albus, looking a bit flustered and very angry as he glared at the Potions Master.

Severus smirked and asked "What's the matter Albus? Did you not have fun at your Muggle picnic?"

"I suspect you know very well what the matter is! The House Elves mixed chocolate laxatives in with the regular chocolate slabs that they gave to those who were making the desserts for the picnic." Albus told him firmly. "I just wonder why it is they didn't give you any of the laxatives for your chocolate cake."

"They knew I would have noticed something wrong, right off." Severus said innocently with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "Anyway—you had to know-- the House Elves would feel hurt at being pushed aside, Its in their nature to serve us. I don't blame the Elves for wanting to use a little mischief to prove their point."

"But...but.. it was supposed to be a Muggle-style picnic." stated Albus. "That means using our own hands to make the meal."

Severus smirked, "Muggles may use their own hands in small family style picnics, but larger affairs are often catered by others who make and serve the meals. I thought you of all people would have known that small insignificant detail."

Albus groaned. "And I suppose you had known what was going to happen."

Fighting the urge to smirk, Severus gave him a wide eyed innocent look. "Who me? Do I look like an Elf?"


End file.
